2009-05-25 - 2:15a.m.

Erjie is BACK! YEAH! Although she didn't bring me back XiaoZhu and only bought me a cute book, I am glad you are safely back. okaeri.

He was sitting on the same seat again, but I didn't dare to look at him at all. I panicked when he was not at his seat and didn't dare to go toilet until he was back. I don't know why I have to be like this, but I think, things should be better this way. Seriously.

I went to library after work, and read a novel. Not too bad. Then it turned 5.10pm, and I walked to NTUC resort. It was that a-bit-lonely feeling I had while walking, but people running and cycling pushed it away. The world is full of people whom you might not know, but sometimes when walking alone, it is possible that even a stranger makes you feel pleasant. And I am quite proud that I walked quite a lot without my legs feeling too sore. Probably the walkings in NUS help a bit? Or my normal days trainings earn the credits? WAHAHA.

Anyway, I was so glad to see YeeNing when I was pulling my neck to check the signboards for NTUC resort entrance! So the BBQ session was indeed a great gathering, with really everyone - YeeNing, YiSheng, XueFang, YiChen, Alex, LiShean, MingKee, Denise, Michelle, WanYu, YuYing (bday girl!), Dennis, YeeChuan, YuanYi, Chin Ghee, Clement. Everyone still with their individual characters. Although I often feel a distance between me and them, I enjoy their fun and laughter. The feel of real teenagers spending the night having fun without any other concerns...I think I don't know how to enjoy myself, that's why it is a pleasure to see them enjoy themselves.

I should have bathed when I got home, but too lazy. And just now Mother switched off the heater just when I wanted to bathe and I got angry. Sigh.

I think I really need to hold and control myself, like in the past, so that everyone will think I am a good person. But it doesn't get better along the road. In fact I am showing my true self to my friends occasionally. I am scared to be disliked again. I know I can't get everyone to like me, I am just afraid my friends will find me cannot-be-mixed-with one fine day and leave me.

See. This again. I must learn from yanshan to think and list and comment and conclude. But do you think I can? I doubt so. YANSHAN!!!

haha.

Take care.

P.S. I so seriously hope that everyone is happy, including me. Especially her, and stop the all-time-talkings. I cowardly don't dare to do it but I get super irritated and crazy over it everytime I hear that. In the end she is not happy, and I am not happy.

past - present